How tuned in to your feelings are you?
Emotions are a valuable part of “who” we are, however it’s only been recently that we’ve begun to acknowledge this truth.
Most of us have grown up hearing things like, “Don’t be so emotional!†Our social conditioning affects us whether we realize it or not. For example, if you’re male, you been taught that it’s okay to be angry but not sad. If you’re female, you’ve been taught that it’s okay to be sad but not angry.
What do you do when you are experiencing strong feelings?
Cheryl Jones-Reardon, who holds a master’s degree in exercise science from the University of Connecticut and a certificate in spirituality from St. Joseph College, has joined the Watchdog team.
We all feel strong emotions such as anger, grief, excitement, sadness, happiness or fear. This is part of being human. The problem is that often we don’t manage these feelings in a healthy manner and this makes the situation worse.
We typically internalize or repress feelings, pretending they don’t exist. Any emotional stress left unattended to will eventually manifest itself physiologically within the body. Living in a state of “dis-ease†can lead to disease. Sometimes, we hold a feeling in for so long and then “blow up” or overreact to a situation. We may be aggressive or lash out causing harm to ourselves or others.
The answer to emotional wellness lies in being aware of how we feel and then learning how to appropriately manage our feelings.
Emotional wellness has to do with developing the skill to tune into whatever feelings are happening in the present moment without judgment. All feelings are acceptable. The behavior that follows is what matters.
Try these steps to bolster your emotional wellness:
1) Be more aware of your feelings.
2) Try not to repress your feelings or react in a stressful encounter. Breathe and notice what you’re feeling without doing anything.
3) When you are calm and ready, communicate how you are feeling to another person using this model. “I feel _____ (name the feeling) when you _____ (name the behavior that bothers you).
4) Try not to be attached to the outcome. In other words, have no expectation. I know, this sounds strange. Here’s what I mean by not being “attached to the outcomeâ€. The other person may not be receptive or capable of changing their behavior. The point is that you will improve your communication skills and feel better about yourself.
It can feel risky to talk about our emotions. It’s no fun feeling vulnerable or worrying about being judged by others. We need to go outside our comfort zone in order to grow or change.
As you practice the skills outlined above you will enhance your emotional wellness. Let me know how it goes!
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Re: ‘stating your feelings in a calm and rational way makes one feel better about oneself.’
We can bank on the fact that those not tuned into their own emotional ATMs, might feel MOMENTARILY better, but then many do not. Why? Because their internal unvoiced or unconscious feelings will continue to be counterproductive to expanding their understanding of how they might really feel, why they feel it, or why they do not feel anything at all. In fact, some people are simply not tuned into themselves and will walk like meek giants upon the earth.
Perhaps the point of communicating how we feel emotionally is best served without the ‘I FEEL’ attached to it. This because people will respond, “I don’t do that!’ or “I never said that” even when the person has just SAID THAT or DONE THAT!
I know a competitive repetitive personality who uses the same words and phrases over and over and over again to explain everything. Have I said the word, “over” too many times? His answers to my questions were usually questions. Game playing always, his statements to me about why he did not believe I was ‘good enough’ to be included with his group were repeated at least 200 times last year. I was dunned by his insistence to follow a ‘script’, and admittedly embryonic to have respected him enough to have allowed him to do this over and over and over again. I listened because he insisted I never listened.
After all of this, when it served him conveniently, he considered us to be a loving couple.
An independent thought process would never interfere with the mentality of one who adopts his belief system solely from his friends comments, particularly when they are buying the drinks and making offers for his services.
I believe him to be a bright, kind, and caring person who FEELS that being challenged with intellectual thought by his ‘other’ is less important than agreeing with what his friends say or do. HOW he should act and feel is in accordance with his prescient needs to garner favor and compensation.
I do “FEEL SAD” for him. Yet, I know he will outlive me easily. Why? Because people who ‘inflict’ quite often remain so distant from what conflicts their own complex being, they will just open a Bud, tune on a ball game, and then perhaps channel surf to PBS and Wayne Dyer, for the commercial break.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. It’s true, there are some people who are disconnected from their feelings and from themselves. My suggestions are intended to help people who truly want to improve their emotional wellness. Those with pathology, diagnosed or undiagnosed, probably won’t be candidates for change. Ultimately we can only be in charge of how we manage and care for ourselves. Wishing you deep peace.