This is the last of my February blog articles, which have focused on having a healthy heart more from the emotional perspective. Emotional wellness has to do with being skillful in our communications to create positive relationships.
Have you been in a situation recently where you needed to give feedback or offer constructive criticism to someone?
This is part of our daily life whether we name it as such or not. We play this role with our family members, friends, co-workers, and sometimes even strangers. Being able to give feedback or constructive criticism to another person takes care, mindfulness, and skill.
Here are the steps you can take to create a positive outcome:
Ask yourself what your intention is. Is it to be helpful or harmful? Only when the intention is truly to help another person or to improve a situation, is it appropriate to give feedback or offer constructive criticism.
Write down what you plan to say and even practice saying it a few times. This will help you keep your focus if things feel out of control.
When possible, schedule a time to meet to have this discussion. Give the person time to prepare. Sometimes they will be curious or worried and want to discuss the issue immediately. Only do this if you feel ready.
When you meet, sit down, place both feet on the ground and follow your breath in and out a few times. Remind yourself that your intention is to help this person grow or to improve a situation.
Cheryl Jones-Reardon, who holds a master’s degree in exercise science from the University of Connecticut and a certificate in spirituality from St. Joseph College, has joined the Watchdog team.
When you begin sharing, start with something positive. Identify something that you appreciate about this person or something he/she is doing well.
Share what you see as the area that needs improvement with respect and care. I like to call this their “growing edge.”
End by thanking them for being open or for at least trying. If appropriate, offer your support and encouragement for them as they work on this. Share any resources that could help them.
I hope this helps you to be able to give feedback in a way that empowers both you and the other person. Please share your success stories with us here!
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I used to have to give feedback to my staff and it was one of the hardest things I had to do. I had to make sure that the language that I used could not be misunderstood.
I think I became quite good at it in the end by enabling the person I was talking to agree with what I was saying all through the conversation. I know I had a much happier work force in the end.
[...] Cheryl's Tip For Less Stress: Giving Feedback | Connecticut Watchdog [...]
Thanks for your comments, Kate! It sounds like you’ve found a strategy that works for you. I’d offer that the practice of mindfulness invites us to adopt an attitude of non-attachment to the outcome. We will not always get what we want, however we can have a more peaceful encounter if we do the process skillfully. Checking in to be sure that both parties are understanding one another can help prevent misunderstandings. Sometimes people will agree with us, sometimes they won’t. Accepting this, rather than controlling it can be a huge challenge. In leadership roles, this is often our ‘growing edge’.