LIFE GOES ON: Choice Not Need



Jung introduced the concept of Introverts and Extroverts. Often misunderstood, we tend to think of Introverts as being quiet and shy, and think of Extroverts as being the life of the party.

Far from the truth.

Introverts gather their energy from quiet and solitude which enables them to interact with the world. Extroverts get their energy from being with others! An Introvert may appear to be an Extrovert and vice versa.

Therefore, Introverts have a stronger ability to feel comfortable being alone. Extroverts need others more to feel energized and happy. This can be a problem when it comes to making choices about good relationships.

As I always say, happy people surround themselves with people who are good, kind, loving, supportive, and fun. Unhappy people have not screened properly, and may let users, pessimists, and narcissists into their world.

Choice, not need.

We are social beings. We need to choose our friends and loved ones and mates based on choice, not need. We need to find a way to feel comfortable living alone, relaxed with our own companionship, and peaceful in silence.

If we NEED to be with someone, that could be anyone! Fear of being alone keeps people in unhealthy relationships. We need to be choosy! Look at the people in your life. Screen out negativity. Work on your ability to feel comfortable with yourself, by yourself.


Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.”  You may email her at and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.

Life goes on… and every day matters…


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