LIFE GOES ON: Good Boys Bad Girls Good Girls Bad Boys


Why do nice girls like bad boys? And why do nice boys like bad girls?

Let’s define BAD BOY.

Rule breaker. (cheating, lying, stealing, breaking laws)

Aggressive behavior (fighting, swearing, yelling, threatening)

Reckless behavior. (speeding, thrill-seeking)

Promiscuity (multiple partners and hook ups)

Excessive Partying (drug and alcohol abuse)

Let’s define BAD GIRL

Dependent (using, manipulating, and taking advantage of men)

Needy (acting helpless, clingy, and crying to get her way)

Promiscuity (using her sexuality to manipulate, multiple partners and hook ups)

Excessive partying (drug and alcohol abuse)

So what is so appealing about this?


It goes back to the days of the caveman.

Men want to feel big and needed. Women want to feel loved and protected.

Because bad boys are aggressive and reckless, they (falsely) appear to be STRONG.

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST doesn’t mean the nicest behavior. It often means the most AGGRESSIVE behavior.

In the days of the cave man, a woman needed protection from most everything. But not today.

Because bad girls display behavior of neediness, men are attracted to them because it appeals to their desire to save them from their own irresponsible behavior.

The damsel in distress syndrome.

They get to defend, fight, and protect.

Nice girls tend to have it together, are responsible and stable, so appear less in need of men.

Did you ever notice that bad boys and bad girls are never attracted to each other?

They need a good counter personality to play out their bad behavior.

“Nice guys finish last” because the good girls are attracted to the excitement and daring behavior of the bad boys until THE GOOD GIRLS GROW UP AND REALIZE THAT GOOD MEN OFFER REAL LOVE AND NURTURING.

Good boys stop being attracted to the bad girls when MEN BECOME TIRED OF BEING USED, MANIPULATED, AND DRAINED.

In “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand, the main character, John Galt, states very beautifully that you can judge a man by the woman he is with. And vice versa.

Good self-esteem allows us to choose an equal partner for companionship and love.


Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.”  You may email her at and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.

Life goes on… and every day matters…


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1 Comment on "LIFE GOES ON: Good Boys Bad Girls Good Girls Bad Boys"

  1. I wish someone explained this to me when I was in high school.

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