DEAR DOCTOR KATHLEEN,
I am 15 years old. My single Mom dates a lot and has screaming fights with her boyfriends and uses bad language. It is like she becomes another person. I love her, but it hurts me to see her act that way and I am afraid she might be suicidal. She gets upset real fast and I am afraid to say anything that might cause a disagreement. Is she Bipolar? What can I do?
SCARED FOR MY MOM
DEAR SCARED,
Bipolar is the new overly used label often mistakenly given to anyone who seems unstable or moody or depressed or angry. Only a professional who has met with your mother can determine her diagnosis. Being a single mother can be very difficult. Balancing work, childcare, and dating can be exhausting. Your mother may be depressed, as irritability and temper outbursts are symptoms. Lonely and anxious too? She may also be just overwhelmed with life in general. Dating a lot and screaming at her boyfriends suggests she may be “looking for love in all the wrong places.”
QUESTIONS:
1. Are alcohol or drugs involved?
2. Is there a history of mental illness in her family?
3. Is your father aware of her behavior? Is he involved with your family?
4. Does she rage at you (and your siblings?
5. Are you fearful for your own safety?
6. Is she able to keep a job?
7. Is she self-sufficient? Employed?
8. Does she have good relationships with relatives and friends?
9. Has your mother been referred for therapy?
10. Has she talked about suicide?
I know you’re worried about her, but feel afraid to talk to her about this. You could express your feelings in a card to her, letting her you know you are worried about her and want her to be happy.
If you have a relative you trust, go to her and ask her to help.
I would also advise you to talk to your school counselor and let her help you get help for your mother. I hope you feel safe. Talking to others will help you to help her. You are much too young to carry this burden alone.
LIFE GOES ON©
Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You may email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
www.kathleencairns.com
Life goes on… and every day matters…
