JAPAN: Part 1: LIVING IN THE NOW
I just returned from Nara Japan where I visited my pen pal, Yumiko (since 1978) and her family for my fourth time.
Yumiko
They live in a valley of rice fields, bamboo forests, flowering cherry trees, acres of vegetable farms, and countless temples and shrines. Nestled between 2 sacred mountain ranges, it is silent there. The people are gentle, soft-spoken, kind, polite, and in awe of nature.
They spend most of their time outside, either gardening or walking or admiring the scenery whenever they have free time. 
Yumiko speaks excellent English, but most of her family and friends do not. They spoke mostly in Japanese when we were in groups, and since I only know about 25 words, I didn’t understand many conversations until they were translated for me. (Yet somehow her husband, Yoshie and I are always able to communicate, as if we were playing charades!)
For my first 2 days, I wanted to know our schedule; where would we go, what time would we leave, how long would we be there, who would we see…
And then the best thing happened. I let go of the need to know! I realized I was her guest, and I trusted her completely. Nothing mattered. In fact, I didn’t want to know our future plans!
I remembered to relax, let go, and live in the moment of NOW.
As is our custom, whenever we meet, either at my house or hers, the visitor is the honored guest and pays for nothing. So I didn’t even have to think about money. In my 2 weeks there, I never made a to-do list, I never drove a car, and I never made a decision.
It was like being a child again.
And then I realized why children live in the moment of NOW! They have no sense of time because they’re not responsible for making plans or making them happen. If they are cared for by loving parents, they feel safe and secure. There is no need for them to be responsible for their tomorrows. All is taken care of for them. And so there’s no need to feel anxiety about the future. There is only today. Of course it’s fun to look forward to things, and not everyday is good, but most NOW moments are OK if you live in a stable environment.
It also reminds me of the simple happiness of my dog, Teddy. He, like most animals, lives in the moment of NOW because he has no responsibility for or control in his life. He plays, sleeps, works with me, eats, takes long walks, and lives in the moment of NOW because that’s all that exists in his animal mind.
I hope I can hold onto this feeling of living in the NOW as I return to my normal life of responsibility, chores, and decision-making. The happiest people live in the moment, and I want to be one of them.
Next week: JAPAN: Part 2: CONVERSATIONS IN THE NOW
LIFE GOES ON©
Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You may email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
www.kathleencairns.com
Life goes on… and every day matters…
