LIVING IN FEAR

DEAR DOCTOR KATHLEEN,

I am scared of everything. If I have a cold, I think it will turn into pneumonia. When I drive my car at night, I’m certain I will be hit by a drunk driver. When I throw something out, I fear I will need it tomorrow. When my son goes out, I fear he will be injured. I worry about every thing every day and every night. I know I am irrational. I realize these fears are ungrounded. Please help!

SCARED

DEAR SCARED,

The fact that you know your fears are unrealistic is good news. You have self-awareness of your problem. Cognitive behavioral therapy and possibly medication would greatly alleviate your symptoms. Anxiety, hypochondriasis, hoarding are all diseases that run in families. Research shows a genetic predisposition for anxiety disorders which may be activated by life’s circumstances.

You must ask yourself, “When was the last time my fear became reality?” “How often do I worry about things out of my control?” “How many hours a week do I give in to my fears?” How many days in my life have I lost to fear of the future?”

The following story describes your situation.

Teaching Story

There’s an old Egyptian story about a little boy named Miobi who came to a village where the people were very strange. They did little more than moan and groan about almost everything. The fires didn’t get lit, the goats didn’t get milked, the children didn’t get clothed, and the crops didn’t get planted, all because the villagers were expecting any time to get eaten by the monster that lived on top of the mountain. Miobi looked up, and behold, the monster was real. He had a head like a crocodile and a body like a hippopotamus and a tail like a very fat snake. Smoke and fire came from his nostrils. The villagers lived in dread that any day the monster might come down and devour them. Miobi said to the villagers, “I will go up the mountain by myself and challenge the monster.” The villagers pleaded with him not to go, sure that he would never return. Miobi began to climb the mountain, and as he climbed higher and higher and got nearer and nearer, the monster looked smaller and smaller. “This is a very curious phenomenon indeed,” thought Miobi. “When I run away from the monster, the monster gets larger, but the nearer I get to it, the smaller it becomes.” When at last Miobi reached the cave, instead of a gigantic monster, he found a quiet little creature about the size of a toad. It purred. Miobi picked it up and put it in his pocket and headed back down the mountain. When the villagers saw Miobi safe and sound, they wanted to make him their god for slaying the monster. Miobi explained exactly what had happened and how he had brought the “monster” back down the mountain as a pet. He showed them the little-toad like creature. “What is your name?” the villagers asked. The monster answered, “I have many names. Some call me famine, and some pestilence; some call me war, and some cancer.” Then the little creature yawned and added, “But most call me What Might Happen.” R. Wayne Willis in Hope Notes

Learn from this. Make a decision to get help. Do not allow yourself the luxury to ruminate about impending scary things. Research shows that people who watch a lot of television news about war, crime, and tragedies are significantly more pessimistic about the future than those who focus on good news. Programs such as “Sunday Morning” CBS 9am is a great example of positive uplifting, and interesting news.

INTENTION: FEARLESSNESS

PAY ATTENTION: AWARENESS OF YOUR DISTRESSING THOUGHTS

THOUGHT STOPPING: STOP!!!

THOUGHT REPLACEMENT: ALL IS WELL.

Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You may email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.

www.kathleencairns.com

Life goes on… and every day matters…