WEEKENDS & WEDNESDAY NIGHTS
Dear Doctor Kathleen,
I am a divorced father of 2 little girls, ages 5 and 7. Fortunately, my ex-wife and I have an excellent relationship and work well co-parenting. The problem is, I see my girls every other weekend and every Wednesday night for dinner and I don’t know what to do with them! All we do is go out to eat, watch TV, and hang out around my apartment. I feel like I need to entertain them. What else can we do during our time together?
Uneasy
Dear Uneasy,
Whenever I see a man alone with children at a restaurant on a Wednesday night, I assume this is a divorced father on a scheduled visit. I notice how strained the father often looks. It’s like he doesn’t know how to talk to his kids without his wife. Remember when the 4 of you lived together? You and your wife didn’t entertain your girls. You shared meals, watched TV, and enjoyed family time. It all changed when you became a single father. Because your time is so limited with them, you feel you need to DO more with them. The truth is, you just all want to BE together and now you need to learn how to relax with them at your apartment. You don’t need to be interacting with them at every moment. Let them play with each other and have friends over. Make a list of things they like to do. Bicycling, walking, coloring, playing cards or board games, singing, making arts and crafts, bowling, going to movies, going to the beach. So many activities are free and fun. Plan ahead so you can look forward to doing things together. But allow for downtime. Life should not be scheduled every moment of every day. Let them BE and you will create a new balanced routine of doing and being.
LIFE GOES ON©
Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You may email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
www.kathleencairns.com
Life goes on… and every day matters…
