LIFE GOES ON: MOMMY, DADDY, ARE WE POOR?
DEAR DOCTOR KATHLEEN,
My heart was broken the other day when my 8 year-old son asked, “Are we poor?” I said “No, honey, why would you ask? “He said he is always hearing his father and I talking about how we need to cut back, how we can’t afford to spend much on Christmas gifts this year. We are both scared of losing our jobs, but we’ve never told him so. He told us the economy scares him. We didn’t think he knew the word “economy,” but of course it’s in the news every day. What can we do to make him feel secure, while at the same time teaching him why we need to be careful with money?
SCARED ABOUT MONEY
DEAR S.A.M.,
What a wonderful opportunity to teach your son the meaning of Christmas, the true meaning of love and family. First of all, you and your husband need to reassure him that he is safe, that you have a place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. Never discuss your fears in front of your child. Children hear everything and don’t have the capacity to solve problems like this!
Next, explain some simple economics, like spending less than what you make, saving for a rainy day. Teaching him about expenses and saving will give him a life-long guideline for a safe future. Of course, this assumes that you are good with your own finances! You can only teach what you live.
The most important message of Christmas is GIVING. I know a very special family who truly understandings the meaning of giving. Every holiday season, they take their 3 children to a city. Hartford, New York, Boston, Providence.
They buy gift cards to local restaurants, and they tell their children to pass them out to people who look like they could use a meal. The homeless, drug addicts, the misfortunate souls who are lost in the system. Some thank them with joy, some look in disbelief,; some are so mistrustful that they throw them into the street. It doesn’t matter. They have given. What a blessed way to celebrate the holiday. What a precious hands-on lesson in the true meaning of love.
So this is your time to teach your child about gifts, money, and the spirit of Christmas. Learn to say NO to requests for the latest unaffordable “got-to-have” craze. Teach him to value gifts of experience, not stuff. For example, instead of buying a thing, have a special day together at a playground or a children’s museum or a party with friends. And help him discover the joy of giving. Visit an animal shelter, collect for FOODSHARE, find a special cause. Help him to be happy with what he has. By saying “We have so much, what can we give to others?” you are giving him the greatest gift of all.
Wishing you all a blessed Holiday.
Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in West Hartford, Connecticut and the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You can email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
www.kathleencairns.com
Life goes on… and every day matters…
