THANKS-GIVING

DEAR DOCTOR KATHLEEN,

I am separated and sad. This Thanksgiving will be the first holiday that I will not celebrate with my wife and children. I will have them for part of the day, and will take them to my parents’ house for a few hours. But it’s just not the same. I want my kids to know that I still love them, but I won’t be at their table with my wife’s parents. It’s such a horrible time of readjustment, even though it was my choice to divorce. What can we all do to feel better?

DREADING THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR D.T.H.,

Because you no longer all live together, your family traditions will never be the same. You need to create new ones. With every ending, there is a loss, but also a new beginning. A time to create a new life for you and your kids. Childhood memories of “We always did this…” and “We always ate that” are so important to us all. Let this be a time where you make new ways to celebrate the holidays. THANKS-GIVING is a time GIVING THANKS, for feeling gratitude. Gratitude is the antidote to depression. You can’t feel both at exactly the same time. What can you do to make this Thursday special? A walk in the woods before dinner? Cooking together? Helping your parents with decorations? Sitting down with your kids to make a gratitude list? Sharing your gratitude list with your family at dinner? A lovely tradition could be helping at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving with your kids. I always tell my patients to end EVERY day with gratitude. Search your day and remember to GIVE THANKS for the good that happened.

Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in West Hartford, Connecticut and the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.”  You can email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.

www.kathleencairns.com

Life goes on… and every day matters…