Dear Doctor Kathleen,
I am so sad. My husband of 40 years died 5 months ago and I feel so lost. I’m in counseling and taking an antidepressant. Both help, but there are days when I feel so empty. I know grieving takes time, but what can I do in the meantime?
So Sad
Dear S.S.,
There are times in our lives when nothing can calm the anxious mind or saddened heart. It is then that I prescribe Hydrotherapy, Aromatherapy, Visualization, Audio-therapy, and Nutritional therapy. Sounds very complicated. Translated, it consists of taking a very warm scented bath in a candlelit room with beautiful music and a glass of wine or sparkling water. All of the senses are soothed. And when we soothe our bodies, our minds naturally follow. Old folk medicine works. We need to return to our senses.
We are made up of MIND, BODY, and SPIRIT.
The MIND is the thinking self.
The BODY is the physical self.
The SPIRIT is the intuitive inner sense of self.
We feed our MIND with facts from school, television, radio, CD ROM, newspapers, magazines, lectures, and seminars, trying our best to keep up with the events of the world.
We exercise and diet our BODY in an endless attempt to control it, to keep it fit and healthy. We go to the gym, jog, cross-train. We eat non-fat low-cholesterol low-calorie food, all so that we can make our bodies conform to the accepted ideal of beauty.
We expand our SPIRIT in our religious pursuits, community work, and interpersonal relationships so that we will be more loving human beings.
But we are cheating ourselves out of one of the most enjoyable aspects of being human: our sensuality. We have been so focused on the development and perfection of our MIND-BODY-SPIRIT in the last century that we have forgotten to enjoy ourselves.
We have forgotten our sensuality.
Webster’s Dictionary defines sensuality as “capacity for feeling, the state or quality of being sensual; fondness for or indulgence in sensual pleasures.”
The five senses of sight, touch, taste, smell, and hearing, (and the sixth sense of intuition) are given to us to perceive the world around us. MINDBODY is one word because we cannot separate the two. If you soothe your body, you will soothe your soul. So when all is lost, treat your body with loving-kindness. Sleep with an old-fashioned hot water bottle to warm your heart. Pamper yourself with a massage or long walks in nature. Sleep more, spend time in the sun, breathe deeply.
In our race to be perfect, we have forgotten to smell the roses. Take time for your body everyday to help you through this time.
Remember my mantra:
REST RELAX READ PRAY.
Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in West Hartford, Connecticut and the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You can email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
Life goes on… and every day matters…
