LIFE GOES ON: Help For Bullies?

 HELP FOR BULLIES? 

Victims are receiving a lot of attention lately. There is pending legislation to protect them from bullying in schools and online. It’s about time. I found the following statistics at the http://behavioral-management.com/bullying-statistics website:

60% of middle school students say that they have been bullied, while 16% of staff believe that students are bullied.

160,000 students stay home from school everyday due to bullying. (NEA)

30% of students who reported they had been bullied said they had at times brought weapons to school.

A bully is 6 times more likely to be incarcerated by the age of 24.

A bully is 5 times more likely to have a serious criminal record when he grows up.

2/3 of students who are targets become bullies.

20% of all children say they have been bullied.

20% of high school students say they have seriously considered suicide with the last 12 months.

25% of students say that teachers intervened in bullying incidents while 71% of teachers say they intervened.

The average child has watched 8,000 televised murders and 100,000 acts of violence before finishing elementary school.

In schools where there are bullying programs bullying is reduced by 50%.

Bullying was a factor in 2/3 of the 37 school shootings reviewed by the US Secret Service. According to the National Institute of Occupational Safety Health (NIOSH)

Very scary and sobering. I remember when I was in grade school, there was a neighborhood bully. He picked on the girls, as they were weaker and easy targets. Years later, we learned he had been regularly beaten by his alcoholic parents. So he went on to bully others to give himself a feeling of power. No one ever protected him. No one ever knew. No one ever asked him why he was a bully.

Finally there will be anti-bullying programs.

But, I would like to see this issue treated at the root of the problem: Bullies are bullied. With the exception of mental illness, bullies are usually victims of bullying. The cycle of violence usually goes back generations. If you were beaten or verbally abused, it becomes an option for you to become the aggressor. I’ve worked with offenders who think there are only 2 choices: be the victim, or be the bully. They feel strong and in control while bullying others. They hate the abuse they have suffered, but feel no compassion for their own victims. I would like to see programs that address the reason they became bullies. Anger management is effective, but it doesn’t protect the bully from the abuse they may be receiving at home or elsewhere. Bullies are abused, and sometimes they become abusers. Then they get punished for their behavior. We need to intervene at the beginning of this cycle. I would like to suggest that if a student is accused and proven to be a bully, he or she should be referred for a psychological evaluation to determine the root of the cause. Bullies need help. Without help, without intervention, the cycle will continue.

 LIFE GOES ON©

Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.”  You may email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.

www.kathleencairns.com

Life goes on… and every day matters…