“IN PRAISE OF IDLENESS”
DEAR DOCTOR KATHLEEN,
I have worked everyday of my life since I was 12.I was raised with a strong work ethic by hard-working parents. My brothers and I had jobs to help support the family. We weren’t poor, but we didn’t have many extras either. I’ve always worked about 60 hours a week, which is fine with me, but my wife says she’s lonely! I really don’t know what to do! I love my work, and I’m very successful. She says she’d rather have less $ and more of me. The trouble is, I have no hobbies and no real interests outside of my business. I’m afraid I’d be bored. What should I do?
I LOVE TO WORK
DEAR I.L.T.W.,
Women often define themselves by their relationships, men by their work. That’s why, in this terrible time of high unemployment, the self-esteem of so many men is suffering. Our society rewards hard work. Some people value money and things that give us status and so they live for their work. But it sounds like you genuinely love your work but have never developed other interests. When you were a boy, you didn’t have the luxury of time that you do now, and now you can’t imagine what you would to do with yourself!
In 1932, Bertrand Russell wrote an essay called, “In Praise of Idleness” in which he advocates working just 4 hours a day. He thought society had lost touch with the true meaning of life, and valued work and money too much. (I wonder what he would think today!) He suggested that we spend the other hours of our day in leisure. Read. Dine with family and friends. Learn a new hobby or skill. Take walks. Write. Spend more time with loved ones. Just BE.
I think you and so many others could benefit from this advice. Now could be the time that you put balance into your life. Work less, play more. It sounds like you can afford to do this. The luxury of time. Time and health are all we have.
First, what do you like? Children, animals, sports, politics, music, books, food, cooking, travel? Make a list of all the things other people do that have the same interests. What does your wife like to do? Find something together. It could be something simple like having lunch at a new restaurant every week. You could walk in the park, go to the movies, join a new club, try a new hobby. NEW. Cut back your hours slowly. Give yourself time to adjust. I imagine you will redefine yourself. No longer just the businessman. A more social man with a balanced life and a happier wife!
LIFE GOES ON©
Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You may email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
www.kathleencairns.com
Life goes on… and every day matters…
I’d tell him to get a HOBBY and spend more time with his wife or he’ll have PLENTY of time to work when she leaves him!