LIFE GOES ON: WASTE NOT, WANT NOT

DEAR DOCTOR KATHLEEN,

My family has so much, and yet it’s Christmastime, the season of giving. I want to give my children presents from Santa (they are 5 and 6 and still believe!), but I feel so conflicted about spending money on meaningless STUFF they don’t need. My husband and I are both employed, living the middle class life of JUST ENOUGH. We want to teach them the beautiful meaning of this holiday season. What can we do to stop the madness without making them feel deprived?

WE HAVE MORE THAN WE NEED

DEAR W.H.M.T.W.N.,

You and your husband have great values, and one of the most important lessons a parent can impart is integrity. Our American culture teaches us to gather as much STUFF as we can. Not just ANY stuff; it needs to be DESIGNER stuff. BABY GAP is a lovely store, but does a 5 year old really need to learn so early about labels? There are so many people in this world who don’t even have food or shelter or clothing! Wasting money and time and effort on throw-away toys is sadly too common.

Not trying to keep up with the commercial hype is valiant. Remember, Henry David Thoreau said, “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps he hears a different drummer…” Maybe your family can inspire others for a truly meaningful way to celebrate.

A lovely gift for your children would be to TEACH THEM HOW TO GIVE. Let them each choose one gift FROM SANTA, and then plan ways to give to the community. Throughout the year, your family can plan for this special time. Make a list of all the fun ways to give that involves TIME, not much money. Cooking for others, collecting blankets for an animal shelter, choosing clothes to give to The Salvation Army, writing to a soldier in Afghanistan, making holiday cards with construction paper, visiting a nursing home, giving food to people on the street, help an aging neighbor with yard work. Let everyone choose their own favorite causes.

Bill Clinton wrote an excellent book called, “GIVING” which lists hundreds of charities that need your help. The Internet also has many sites that coordinate GIVERS with NEEDERS.

So let this time of year be an opportunity to share in the true meaning of love and giving. Your children will always remember your generosity, and it will continue on and on through all future generations.

Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in West Hartford, Connecticut and the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.”  You can email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.

www.kathleencairns.com

Life goes on… and every day matters…