UN-CONDITONAL LOVE?
People often ask me if I believe in un-conditional love. A love that has no conditons can be defined in many ways, but to me it means, “I love you no matter what.” BUT, it doesn’t mean that a relationship can exist/withstand/survive in all conditions. Love is a feeling that can withstand adversity, but staying in a bad relationship no matter what can be harmful.
We can love our children no matter what. We can love our families no matter what. But if there is abuse, or neglect, or negativity that is damaging, the bond between us can be weakened or broken.
I believe once we love someone, we always love them. We may not FEEL that love, but it remains deep inside. The connection may be broken, but the love that brought us together exists, although unconsciously.
There ARE conditions in love. I may always love you, but I may choose to not be with you anymore because it is unhealthy. WE CAN’T BE WITH EVERYONE WE LOVE. Sometimes people we love are not good for our souls. Sometimes their behavior can be so hurtful that it is a wise decision to end that relationship. Sometimes it means we may choose to limit the time spent or the form of the connection.
WE NEED CONDITIONS in our relationships so we can live in harmony and safety. Otherwise there may be chaos. We may love someone no matter what, but we may not stay no matter what. Boundaries, respect, integrity, honesty, admiration, and love are all needed. No matter what.
LIFE GOES ON©
Kathleen Cairns, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Hartford, Connecticut. She works with adults, adolescents, and couples. You may call her at 860-236-5555 to make an appointment. She is the author of “The Psychotherapy Workbook.” You may email her at kathleen.cairns@mac.com and she will try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
www.kathleencairns.com
Life goes on… and every day matters…
This was a very helpful piece: I took away from it that although I may always love members of my family of origin, it doesn’t mean that I’ll ALWAYS let a hurtful relationship continue. Thanks.